mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
