Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You are the jesus of drinking
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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