If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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