i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
