Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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