If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
