He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
