My cat gives me a boner
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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