this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
do herpes really smell.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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