my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
