Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
