I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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