i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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