Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
