The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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