My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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