i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
