I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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