The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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