Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
then he tried to convert me to islam
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
