it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
