Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
