I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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