Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
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I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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