Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
