totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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