if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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