I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
