Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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