Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
