You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
