Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
