I wanna passion pit in your ass
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
