Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
