You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
