I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize