i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
