i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
