Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
