Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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