its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
