i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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