Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
