so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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