I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
