Say something about gay babies.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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