My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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