Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He better not be in your backpack
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
