Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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