On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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