I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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