this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
