Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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