Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
