I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
