I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
