NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
