a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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