so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
