is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
