She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
