so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
