some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
