Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
