you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
