I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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