I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
