Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
