Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was confusing and full of hummus
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
