she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
