so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
