Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
