Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
