Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
